Sideways Stories from Oyster School

We are big fans of Louis Sachar and his Wayside School stories. The following pieces are inspired by him.

Thank you to Jimmy, Becca, and Laura from 826DC for helping us to revise, edit, and publish these wonderfully loopy stories.

Oscar S.

Oscar had blonde hair and looked like a football.

One day at lunch, Oscar asked Maeve “I wonder what we’re going to do today in P.E.”

“I don’t know,” said Maeve. “But I’m sure it’s going to be fun.” 

Just then their P.E. teacher Mr. Springer came to pick them up for P.E. “Today we are going to play two-ball soccer,” he said. 

When every was lined up they went outside and did their usual warm ups. When they were finished he split the class into teams but when he said, “Play ball!” Benjamin kicked the ball into space. 

“Benjamin!” they all said. “Now we only have one ball to play with!” 

“Sorry,” he said. 

But just then they heard a high-pitched squeal. There it was: a flying saucer with a ball stuck in its window.

By then Mr. Springer was looking for another ball. Then the flying saucer hit the ground. Three aliens stepped out. Two jumped onto the roof of the school. 

“We are aliens,” said one. 

The other two said, “We claim this land.” 

They took out their ray guns and started to shoot but kept missing. Oscar stole a ray gun from an alien and gave it to Nico. Nico killed one alien but the other escaped into the school. Then they saw that out front everyone was evacuating.

Meanwhile, inside the building, the aliens were taking out the walls and with the walls they still had they installed evil machines. While the class didn’t know this was happening, they suspected the aliens were doing something. So Nico went into the building and saw that they were deflating the ball so the aliens could get it out of their window. When they got out, one of them gave it to Nico for some reason and the aliens flew away. 

Later, when Mr. Springer came back, he said, “Who deflated the ball?”

Leah

Leah had long hair that was pink. She is tall as a tree. She was smart and creative. And she was friendly.

             

Once the class went on a garden field trip. They went over there and saw a snake. The snake ate Leah's dad's finger and pooped it out. 

Then they went to see the goose and the goose started chasing us all around the garden. They also saw a frog. The frog jumped on Skylar’s head and took a piece of her hair. 

Then they saw a snapping turtle and it snapped Skylar’s hand off and she started screaming like crazy and jumped in the pond. Leah's dad got her out and saved the day.

Lourdes

Lourdes was short with very long hair and pink hands. She was kind, but had a very short temper. In a day she and her class were going to a field trip on a boat. She was very happy.

The next day she woke up early, as she went to school a bird pooped on Charlie’s head.

When they got to the boat, the captain said, “Are you kids ready to have some fun?”

They all answered, “Yes!”

As they boarded the boat, a seagull sat on Mani’s head and made a nest.

 “Oh come on, you have got to be kidding me!” Mani said.

The boat started to sail and Mani still had the nest on his head. All the boys in the class went to the right side of the boat and the boat tipped over. Then it sank. The whole class went flying into the ocean. Something strange looked at them. It was half tiger and half fish. The strange creature touched them and the sunken boat.

Surprisingly, the boat started to float again in the water and the class was able to get on board again, but it was too late. The boat crashed into a giant coconut. Mani fell off the boat. A tiger tried to eat him. Mani started to run on water. Then he made a big turn and started running on the giant coconut like an exercise wheel.

Suddenly the tiger grabbed him and put him in his arms and says, “Rock a bye baby on the tree top. When the wind blows the cradle will rock.”

Mani felt weird and said, “Stop! I am not a baby!”

Then the tiger said, “I have to show you something, Mani.”

Then the tiger took off the tiger mask and said, “It was me, Charlie! Hahahaha!”

The whole class laughed at him, even Mani. They were having fun.

Price

Price was a student in Mr. Benson’s class. She had green and curly hair. She was Mexican. She spoke little English and wore a red cape.

           
One day, the class was going to the zoo.

“Too bad Maurie and Joel aren’t here,” said Kalea.

The zoo was a million miles away. They were going in Airforce 2. All the sudden the jet jerked and they came hurtling to the ground.

“2+2=3 right?” said asked Oscar.

           
When they hit the ground, the class rushed for the metro, which was a block away.

The driver was running after them shouting, “Come back here, stupid teacher! You have to pay $2,000 for the damage you did!”

When they got in the metro station, the driver gave up and walked away.

Mr. Benson said, “Guess we will have to take the metro!”

           
When they got to the zoo, it was lunchtime. Then all the sudden, a bull was set free and came charging at the class. With one graceful move Price waved her cape and Maurie and Joel appeared. Then they started stabbing the bull with their spears. Joel and Maurie faded. Then Price came in with her cape. She started to shake it. The bull came charging at it. Price moved out of the way and shouted, “Ole!” Soon the whole class was shouting, “Ole!” Then she too faded.

Once again, Price came into the room, but this time with a sword. Price moved toward the bull. Everyone gasped. She had stabbed the bull. It became weaker and then died. Price faded and did not come back. In her place was the lunch lady Miss Lisa.

“We’re all hungry,” groaned the children.

“Good thing I’m here,” said Miss Lisa. She cooked bull and fried grasshopper tacos on the grill in the food court. Everyone barfed even though they hadn’t eaten anything.

          

Mani

Mani was very tall and always wore black clothes. He was a millionaire and he was funny.

           
When Lourdes, Eimear, Tomas Ar., Gio, Charlie and Mani heard, “duhhh” from out of nowhere, they knew something fishy was going on. Mani asked for his bodyguard but he was nowhere to be found. 

Then suddenly he heard, “duhhh. We will live. Duhhh.” They turned around to see a moving statue with a machine gun. All of them dived behind something.

Lourdes screeched, “What is going on here?”

“I don’t know,” yelled back Mani over the sound of the machine gun. 

More and more statues came. Then Mani had an idea. 

“You guys said you had apple sauce in your lunch,” said Mani.

“Yeah,” said everybody else. 

“Well, get it,” said Mani. 

Everybody got their apple sauce. 

Mani closed his eyes and thought, “I hope this works,” and opened his eyes. He said to everybody else, “Throw your apple sauce!” 

Everybody threw their apple sauce at the statues. Then, when the apple sauce hit the statues, they evaporated into thin air. 

Then everybody else said in chorus, “That was an applesaucey death!” 

Even though there was barely any proof of the living statues, the group was proud that they defeated some very weird statues.